Why Vibrators are Ruining Our Sex Lives.

** as published in www.elephantjournal.com/2018/12/why-vibrators-are-ruining-our-sex-lives

It’s a sad fact that of life that somewhere between 10% and 20% of us (adult women,) have never experienced an orgasm. As many as 50% of us don’t orgasm at all during sex. Sexual and orgasmic education have advanced to where we now understand much more about the female orgasm, such as the fact that women have several different places they can access in order to bring themselves to that state of bliss we know as the ‘Big O’ and that it can even be a full body or ongoing experience. So why are we not having more of them?

Often women looking for the path to orgasm purchase vibrators. These battery-operated devices have been hailed as sexual nirvana and instant orgasm machines. But in actual fact, vibrators desensitize the vaginal canal and make orgasm with a partner even harder to achieve, in the long term. Let’s have a look at some healthier, more orgasmic and sustainable options.

But I like vibrators?

I hear you. However, the best tools to help you get there – alone and with a partner – are made from natural materials and pure crystals: NOT rubber, plastic or filled with batteries and wires. Consider purchasing a Nephrite Jade Egg or Black Obsidian pleasure wand or dildo. Check out the energetic qualities of the crystal you are purchasing, for example, Rose Quartz is lovely for healing and a broken heart. No penis or fingers can compete with the wild vibrations of something that comes with a USB charger. Think about it.

Consider choosing natural, energetically positive materials instead of manufactured plastic. The crystals will absorb your personal energy over time too and enhance your experience further. Like anything, the quality of crystals and eggs will vary. If you’re purchasing an egg, I’d start with certified Nephrite Jade, as this is the only crystal known to definitely be non-porous and won’t cause infections or irritations.

Okay, I’ve got the right equipment, now what?

To have the best experience with your yoni egg or wand, give yourself some time with it. Before you even go there, get relaxed and tuned in to your own body. Take a long bubble bath, practice deep breathing and self-massage. Prepare to relax completely. For most women, orgasms are as much psychological as they are physiological. If your mind isn’t in the right place, your body won’t be either. There’s a common misconception that it’s up to our partner to provide us with sexual pleasure but this is not the case. We need to understand what turns us on and what makes us tick before we can accept pleasure from someone else.

Get comfortable on your bed, on a rug in front of your fireplace, or just stay in the tub if you’re happy here. Relax, start slow, and get to know your egg or wand and your body. Touch different parts of your genitals with your egg or wand. Discover what feels good, then keep doing it. Let your arousal build and let nature take its course.

“Our goal is to heighten and become aware of the sensations already present in our body, not to increase or intensify stimulation.”

There really isn’t any “right” way to use an egg or wand or to bring yourself to orgasm and in fact, orgasm shouldn’t be the goal. Just enjoy the sensations. The goal is to heighten and become aware of those sensations already present in the body, not to increase stimulation. The most important thing to remember is that an egg or wand is a tool to help you stimulate yourself; while it can help you reach a climax, it’s not an instant orgasm machine and you don’t want it to be! You control it and use it in the way that feels best to you.

Experiment with your egg or wand, apply it to different areas of your body to see what the sensations are like. Most women respond to clitoral stimulation, but you may prefer more or less intensity, or more or less direct stimulation. The labia and vulva, g-spot and cervix are also sensitive.

Most women find penetration inside the vagina pleasurable. An egg or wand is the best tool you can use to find and stimulate your G-spot, it easier to access than with a penis. This little node of pleasure is on the front wall of your vagina, a couple of inches in. It can take a few tries to find this spot, and not everyone who finds it actually likes it because of how sensitive it can be. Some women struggle to find it, but we all have one so keep looking! All of these things are normal, so you just have to see what works for you.

It’s NOT all about the clitoris

Many women believe that they need clitoral rather than vaginal stimulation to actually bring them to orgasm, but this isn’t actually true. T’s just that often our vaginas have become so desensitized due to fingers, tampons, and penises being pushed into them that they energetically ‘close up’ and desensitize. By using a yoni egg or wand, we can resensitize the vagina and open up to new levels of pleasure. That’s not to say that clitoral stimulation isn’t fun, but for a balanced and full body orgasm, move between all areas of ‘the Hara.’ One technique you can use your yoni egg or wand is to place the tip against your clitoris, then slide it down between your labia, insert the egg or wand and slide it into your vagina, and then bring it back up in a reverse stroke, sliding along the clitoris again on the way up.

Once you discover what feels good, keep doing it, relax, and let your arousal build. You’ll find that, like many things, the more you practice achieving orgasm, the easier it’ll become, alone and with a partner. A daily yoni egg or YoniYoga practice has a number of sexual, physical, emotional and general well-being benefits (see my other article 5 Reasons Why Our Vaginas Needs Yoga Too) and I highly recommend this for completely transforming your sexual wellness and outlook on life.

December 21, 2018

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